Disagreements and fights between siblings couldn’t be any harder than when an aging parent becomes ill or needs care on a regular basis. Research shows that one sibling over the others will take on more or most of the caregiving responsibilities in 90 percent of families. What are the most common elder care issues that siblings argue about?

There are various reasons why some siblings are more inclined to do the right thing when it comes time to step up and care for their parents and why some remain distant or avoid the situation altogether. Some adult children feel it is their responsibility and do it out of love and others might do it out of guilt. Sometimes family members who live a long distance away or in another state may have difficulty going back and forth but still offer to help in ways they can. Others use this as an excuse to avoid getting involved.

Common reasons siblings argue when it comes to providing elderly home care are:

1. Divvying up the responsibilities – There is no one solution to dividing up caregiver duties. Each family operates under different circumstances and will need to work out an arrangement that best suits the needs of everyone involved. In some situations, the care efforts are impossible to equalize, especially if some family members live a long distance away. This can cause some resentment towards the others if the sibling that lives the closest has to perform most of the elderly home care duties.
2. Roles and rivalries within the family structure – Each sibling will have a different place in the pecking order, and therefore, will be brought up having a different relationship to their parents, other family members, and to their own responsibilities. Often times, the child who felt the most loved or connected to the parents will be the one to take on the role of primary caregiver. The child who felt ignored or like a disappointment might be less likely to reach out and offer a helping hand.
3. Money – Many families are torn apart over endless arguments regarding the financial burden of end-of-life care or inheritance. Disagreements regarding spending on what a parent’s true needs are can arise because family members are looking to inherit the money not spent.

Many times arguments over elder care issues can be avoided or at least minimized if family members agree to put aside their differences and communicate with one another. If siblings can do this, it will be in the best interest for their parent or loved one.

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Valerie Darling

Founder, Owner at Home Care Matters

Valerie was born in Miami, FL and after a few family moves, grew up locally in the Marietta, GA area.Valerie is the oldest of 4 (3 younger brothers).She is married and has one child.Valerie is the Founder, Owner and CEO of Home Care Matters.Valerie’s mom, Dee, is the inspiration and primary driver as the how and why the business was born.Valerie says, “My mom is never far from our thoughts.Mom was an integral part of developing and starting HCM before she passed away.Our goal is to stay true to her memory and continue to honor her with the love, values, and ethics she taught us.”

Valerie has the unique experience with home care as she has experienced it from both ends of the spectrum, as a caregiver and as needing care herself as a cancer survivor. Valerie says, “Taking care of someone you love is a physically, mentally and demanding labor of love.Taking care of my mom was the hardest thing I have ever done. It has given me an insight and perspective not many people understand unless you are doing it or have done it.I loved taking care of my mom.I love helping others take care of their love ones too.And now that I’ve been sick, it’s given me a whole new level of empathy and understanding for those who are sick and need help.”

Valerie’s schedule varies daily, but she loves visiting with our clients, families, caregivers, our network partners and being in the office.Says Valerie, “Every day is different, but I wake up excited about what we do, inspired by our team, clients and caregivers.I strive to be a resource to the community.I love my team and I love what we do every day. I like to think my mom would be proud.”

You can reach Valerie by email (Valerie@homecarematters.com) or in our office (770.965.4004).

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